Notes from a Psychologist
Dr. Mel Whitehurst

The purpose of Notes from a Psychologist is to encourage and inspire the spread of realistic optimism and hope.  Optimistic thinkers tend to be happier and healthier. I'll keep posting new ideas periodically.

              SIX WAYS TO HELP YOUR DOCTOR HELP YOU

Here are five things I’ve learned from my experience that you can do to “help your doctor help you” when you go to your next appointment.

1.  Don’t assume your doctor walks into the examination room fully updated on your medical history.  Doctors are inundated with patients and complex medical issues, which may make it difficult for them to keep up without reviewing your medical history.  If you don’t hear references to your past conditions, medications, or recent treatments, you may need to briefly remind them of the key points.

2.  Notice whether your doctor sits down or meets you at eye level.  Communication is far more effective when you are eye-to-eye.  If your doctor stands over you and looks down, the power imbalance can shut down meaningful communication.  Do not let this happen if you can.  Suggest to your doctor that you understand better with direct face-to-face communication.  Be aware that some doctors may be offended when you suggest this, so stay calm, respectful, and steady.  Don’t allow yourself to feel submissive. 

3.  Does the doctor display a calm, unhurried demeanor?  A calm pace is essential to understanding.  If your doctor communicates to you hurriedly, slow them down.  Ask questions, talk slower, repeat questions if you do not understand.  Stay calm and persistent.

4.  Present all your symptoms.  Do not leave anything out, even those that may seem minor or unrelated.  (You could construct a list beforehand.)  If you feel rushed or sense that important details have not been explored, speak up.  You’re not being difficult—you’re making certain all facts are presented.

5.  When an examination has been completed, ask your doctor to fully explain the results in terms you can understand rather than jargon-filled and vague.  Don’t leave the office feeling confused or uncertain about your care.   

6.  Lastly, identify at least one thing your doctor did during the visit that deserves recognition, and let them know.  Doctors, like all of us, appreciate knowing that their efforts are noticed and valued.  A sincere compliment can help doctors feel their efforts were seen as worthwhile.

After departing the office, you should feel fully informed and genuinely supported with a full understanding of your examination results—follow‑up steps, timelines, diagnosis, medications, tests, and anything else that influences your care.

For me, the above description depicts the perfect meeting with a doctor.  I am especially grateful that I have a doctor who does the six things I listed.  However, it took changing doctors twice twenty years ago and a lot of “practice” in the doctor’s office to become skilled at helping my doctor help me.  

A SIMPLE SYSTEM FOR SIMPLE THINKERS DOING QUIETLY MEANINGFUL WORK

I am a proud member of THE ASSOCIATION OF INTERMITTENT THINKERS.  We are an optimistic, non-bureaucratic organization.  We have no bylaws, no policies, no rules, no membership list, and certainly no committees.  We do not hold meetings or get-togethers of any kind.  We simply set around and from time-to-time, think. 

To join all you have to do is silently say to yourself, “I’m now a member” and poof you are automatically enrolled.  If you can think, even intermittently, you qualify.

All you need to do is have at least one thought a day---or every few days---that you believe will make the world a better place.  Write your thoughts down and save them until you have one week’s worth of thoughts.  Pick one and publish it on either Facebook, LinkedIn, or other social media platforms.  Then start all over. 

Keep it up for five or six weeks, and you've earned a lifetime membership in a very special group: people who genuinely want to bring more hope and positivity to the world.

Just think how helpful your efforts could become if only one of your thoughts changed someone else’s life from despair to hope.

                                          I QUIT

I hated playing football during my high school years.  I did it because I wanted to belong.  Then, somewhat irrationally I began playing in college.  A scholarship paid my way, and I had very little money, so I stayed with it for a while. 

For eight long years, I played a game I did not like—until one day, I quit! 

Many years later, I came to see this as a major turning point in my life. Quitting was not a sign of failure; it was a decision for me to take responsibility.

My quitting experience taught me to periodically look over my life activities, and when I can, quit those things that do not serve me well.  It simplifies my life.  

And over the years, I believe I’ve become a fairly effective “quitter".

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                      GET ME MY DANCING SHOES

I’m preparing to begin ballroom dancing lessons so I’ll be ready for the grand opening of the new White House ballroom. The only complication is that I’ll be dancing with a cane. Until now, I’ve only used it for walking—and for whacking anyone who gets in my way.

Has anyone ever seen a ballroom cane dancer? I suspect the dancing will be far more entertaining than starting a war or organizing an insurrection.

So far, not a single person has volunteered to be my dance partner---at last, something Republicans and Democrats can agree on.

THIS COURAGEOUS TINY ANT TAUGHT ME A VALUABLE LESSON

From time-to-time I believe it’s important that we take a look inside ourselves to see if we need to make a change in our attitude as a result of our experiences.  I had one of these “change of attitude” experiences the other day.

Occasionally I sit on my patio to relax.  Some days an ant makes its way to my ankle and gives it a good bite.  Needless to say, I’ve developed a snarly attitude toward ants until yesterday when, with my bug spray in hand, I noticed one little ant walking across the patio from the far side with a tiny piece of a leaf.  I watched the little ant zig-zag and labor tenaciously for a half hour or so trying to get to the ant bed just outside the patio.  To my amazement, he eventually made it. I really admired that little ant for his unrelenting struggle. So, I picked up my can of bug spray and took it back into the garage.  How could I have been so heartless to think I was planning to harm the little fellow.

My take away from this experience is that perhaps I should make more effort in respecting and understanding other people’s struggles and not be so quick to make judgments when they are really only struggling to survive.

“DID YOU EVER READ ABOUT A FROG WHO DREAMED OF A BEING A KING AND THEN BECAME ONE?” 

Just like the frog in Neil Diamond’s song, I dreamed of being a hero when I was a kid.  I imagined I was Gene Autry riding my horse chasing outlaws, Supper Man flying around everywhere saving people, Flash Gordon flying from planet to planet after Ming the Merciless, on and on with other idolized characters.  I really wanted to be a hero.  Unfortunately, my dream crashed, mainly because my definition of an all-powerful hero never existed.

Heros have no magical powers.  They are ordinary people, who act courageously and selflessly in catastrophe situations.  They are ordinary people who stand up for what is right even at great personal risk.  They are ordinary people who do not harm others.  They ordinary people who do not go around “hating.”  They are ordinary people who family and friends can depend on.  The are ordinary people who always seem to be able to do the right thing.

There are a lot of heroes running around in this world unnoticed.  They pass by us every day, unseen.