Notes from a Psychologist
Dr. Mel Whitehurst

The purpose of Notes from a Psychologist is to encourage and inspire the spread of realistic optimism and hope.  Optimistic thinkers tend to be happier and healthier. I'll keep posting new ideas periodically.

                  YOU’RE GETTING OLDER, ARE YOU NOT?

The passage below was written by the distinguished novelist Haruki Murakami in his novel IQ84.  I hesitated in posting this rather grim description of aging, but I believe Murakami presents a perspective that many older adults will recognize. While his description is bleak, it serves as a reminder to live with courage and purpose as we age.   

In the IQ84, the character Ushikawa says the following to Tengo about the realities of getting older……

Once you pass a certain age, life becomes nothing more than a process of continual loss.  Things that are important to your life begin to slip out of your grasp, one after another, like a comb losing teeth.  And the only things that come to take their place are worthless imitations.  Your physical strength, your hopes, your dreams, your ideals, your convictions, all meaning, or, then again, the people you love one by one, they fade away.  Some announce their departure before they leave, while others just disappear all of sudden without warning one day.  And once you lose them you can never get them back.  From now on, you will gradually enter the twilight portion of life---you will be getting older.  You are probably beginning to grasp that painful sense that you are losing something, are you not?”

                      GET ME MY DANCING SHOES

I’m preparing to begin ballroom dancing lessons so I’ll be ready for the grand opening of the new White House ballroom. The only complication is that I’ll be dancing with a cane. Until now, I’ve only used it for walking—and for whacking anyone who gets in my way.

Has anyone ever seen a ballroom cane dancer? I suspect the dancing will be far more entertaining than starting a war or organizing an insurrection.

So far, not a single person has volunteered to be my dance partner---at last, something Republicans and Democrats can agree on.

THIS COURAGEOUS TINY ANT TAUGHT ME A VALUABLE LESSON

From time-to-time I believe it’s important that we take a look inside ourselves to see if we need to make a change in our attitude as a result of our experiences.  I had one of these “change of attitude” experiences the other day.

Occasionally I sit on my patio to relax.  Some days an ant makes its way to my ankle and gives it a good bite.  Needless to say, I’ve developed a snarly attitude toward ants until yesterday when, with my bug spray in hand, I noticed one little ant walking across the patio from the far side with a tiny piece of a leaf.  I watched the little ant zig-zag and labor tenaciously for a half hour or so trying to get to the ant bed just outside the patio.  To my amazement, he eventually made it. I really admired that little ant for his unrelenting struggle. So, I picked up my can of bug spray and took it back into the garage.  How could I have been so heartless to think I was planning to harm the little fellow.

My take away from this experience is that perhaps I should make more effort in respecting and understanding other people’s struggles and not be so quick to make judgments when they are really only struggling to survive.

“DID YOU EVER READ ABOUT A FROG WHO DREAMED OF A BEING A KING AND THEN BECAME ONE?” 

Just like the frog in Neil Diamond’s song, I dreamed of being a hero when I was a kid.  I imagined I was Gene Autry riding my horse chasing outlaws, Supper Man flying around everywhere saving people, Flash Gordon flying from planet to planet after Ming the Merciless, on and on with other idolized characters.  I really wanted to be a hero.  Unfortunately, my dream crashed, mainly because my definition of an all-powerful hero never existed.

Heros have no magical powers.  They are ordinary people, who act courageously and selflessly in catastrophe situations.  They are ordinary people who stand up for what is right even at great personal risk.  They are ordinary people who do not harm others.  They ordinary people who do not go around “hating.”  They are ordinary people who family and friends can depend on.  The are ordinary people who always seem to be able to do the right thing.

There are a lot of heroes running around in this world unnoticed.  They pass by us every day, unseen.