Notes from a Psychologist
Dr. Mel Whitehurst

The purpose of Notes from a Psychologist is to encourage and inspire the spread of realistic optimism and hope.  Optimistic thinkers tend to be happier and healthier. I'll keep posting new ideas periodically.

YES JAMES, WE CAN STOP THE “DEADING”.  SORRY WE LET YOU DOWN.

Dear Mr. Clinton,

“I want you to stop the killing in the city,” 9-year-old James Darby

wrote to the president from New Orleans in 1994.  “People is dead and I think somebody might kill me.  So would you please stop the people from deading.  I’m asking you nicely to stop it.  I know you can do it.  Do it. I know you could.”

Your friend,

James

Ten days later, James was killed in a drive-by shooting.

We have the knowledge and resources to stop violence toward each other in America.  No doubt it can be done. We just have to develop the will to do it.

SOURCE OF QUOTE

Exploring Social Psychology, Third Edition by Dr. David G. Meyers, Social Psychologist, Module 24, Page 247

          GO AHEAD, SWEAR AWAY.  YOU’LL FEEL BETTER

Participants in a Keele University study were split into two groups and asked to submerge a hand in ice‑cold water for as long as they could stand it.  One group was told to continuously repeat a swear word of their choice; the other had to stay silent. The difference was striking.

On average, the swearing group endured the cold water for about forty seconds longer than the non‑swearing group.  They also reported feeling less pain, and their elevated heart rates suggested that swearing had triggered the body’s fight‑or‑flight response—a short‑term physiological shift known to blunt pain perception.

The researchers concluded that uttering a swear word can briefly boost pain tolerance and reduce how intensely pain is felt.  

In summary, a well‑timed swearing session could measurably take off the edge,

POSTSCRIPT NOTE

I have to admit I occasionally use swear words, sometimes up to ten a day.  Based on my accumulated swearing history, I should be pain-free for the rest of my life. 

SOURCE

Richard Stephens, John Atkins, and Andrew Kingston, Swearing as a Response to Pain:   Effect of Daily Swearing Frequency, (2011), The Journal of Pain, Vol.12(12), 1274-1281

           HOW TO TELL IF SOMEONE IS LYING TO YOU

If they are over the age of three.  According to researchers, children under the age of three are generally not capable of intentionally deceiving others.  After three, adults average stretching the truth about 1.6 to 2.4 times a day.

POST SCRIPT

I wonder what a 0.6 or 0.4 lie looks like.  These aren’t full 1.0 lies, so they may have a different effect.  Perhaps they should be considered fibs rather than outright, full-fledged lies.

SOURCES OF INFORMATION

C. L. Hart, What is a Lie? (2019)   Defining Different Elements of Dishonesty, Psychology Today

Big Liars by Dr. Christian Hart and Dr. Drew Curtis (2023), Pages 19 & 23

             "YOU TALKIN TO ME?” "YOU TALKIN TO ME?”

                                            (Robert De Niro, Taxi)

Older adults are more nosey than younger adults as suggested in laboratory-based studies.  They are more inquisitive and curious.  These findings imply that older adults not only want to know what’s going on in the world, but like keeping up with the latest “social” news.  Their sharpened curiosity makes them far more likely to snoop, gossip and meddle in other people’s affairs.

Reported in Psychology and Aging

                               WHAT I DON’T KNOW

 
Where did God come from?

How did the universe start?

Was there ever a time nothing existed?

Where is the exact location of heaven and hell?

Do other parallel worlds exist beyond my ability to see them?

Why do three people observing the exact same event have three different versions?

How did Santa get into my house on Christmas night during my childhood when my house did not have a chimney?

      THE DREADFUL INCIDENT OF THE ELECTRIC PADDLE

When I was in the fourth grade, I became convinced that my teacher was horribly mean.  If you “acted up” in class, she would grab you by the arm, march you to the front of the classroom, order you to bend over, put your hands on your knees, and then delivered two sharp swats with her paddle.  I lived in constant fear of being humiliated, or maybe even being killed, in front of my classmates.

Then one day things changed dramatically.  Instead of administering a painful paddling in front of the class to a student, the teacher did something different.  My best friend Billy got caught talking out in class.  Instead of paddling him in front of everyone, my teacher escorted him to the principal’s office.  Billy never returned to class that day, but he showed up the next morning.  He told me the principal had instructed him to keep quiet about what had happened in the office.

Next the big rumor started on the playground.  The principal had an electric paddle in his office!  My fear level along with my classmates reached maximum capacity.  I could vividly imagine the horrors of an electric paddling.  

When I told my mother about the electric paddle, she smiled and said, “If you ever get sent to the principal’s office, unplug it when they’re not looking.”  At least I had a plan to survive. 

              SIX WAYS TO HELP YOUR DOCTOR HELP YOU

Here are six things I’ve learned from experience that you can do to “help your doctor help you” when you go to your next appointment.

For me, the description below depicts the perfect meeting with a doctor.  I am especially grateful that I have a doctor who does the six things I list.  However, it took changing doctors twice twenty years ago and a lot of “practice” in the doctor’s office to become skilled at helping my doctor help me. 

1.  Don’t assume your doctor walks into the examination room fully updated on your medical history.  Doctors are inundated with patients and complex medical issues, which may make it difficult for them to keep up without reviewing your medical history.  If you don’t hear references to your past conditions, medications, or recent treatments, you may need to briefly remind them of the key points.

2.  Notice whether your doctor sits down or meets you at eye level.  Communication is far more effective when you are eye-to-eye.  If your doctor stands over you and looks down, the power imbalance can shut down meaningful communication.  Do not let this happen if you can.  Suggest to your doctor that you understand better with direct face-to-face communication.  Be aware that some doctors may be offended when you suggest this, so stay calm, respectful, and steady.  Don’t allow yourself to feel submissive. 

3.  Does the doctor display a calm, unhurried demeanor?  A calm pace is essential to understanding.  If your doctor communicates to you hurriedly, slow them down.  Ask questions, talk slower, repeat questions if you do not understand.  Stay calm and persistent.

4.  Present all your symptoms.  Do not leave anything out, even those that may seem minor or unrelated.  (You could construct a list beforehand.)  If you feel rushed or sense that important details have not been explored, speak up.  You’re not being difficult—you’re making certain all facts are presented.

5.  When an examination has been completed, ask your doctor to fully explain the results in terms you can understand rather than jargon-filled and vague.  Don’t leave the office feeling confused or uncertain about your care.   

6.  Lastly, identify at least one thing your doctor did during the visit that deserves recognition, and let them know.  Doctors, like all of us, appreciate knowing that their efforts are noticed and valued.  A sincere compliment can help doctors feel their efforts were seen as worthwhile.

After departing the office, you should feel fully informed and genuinely supported with a full understanding of your examination results—follow‑up steps, timelines, diagnosis, medications, tests, and anything else that influences your care.

A SIMPLE SYSTEM FOR SIMPLE THINKERS DOING QUIETLY MEANINGFUL WORK

I am a proud member of THE ASSOCIATION OF INTERMITTENT THINKERS.  We are an optimistic, non-bureaucratic organization.  We have no bylaws, no policies, no rules, no membership list, and certainly no committees.  We do not hold meetings or get-togethers of any kind.  We simply set around and from time-to-time, think. 

To join all you have to do is silently say to yourself, “I’m now a member” and poof you are automatically enrolled.  If you can think, even intermittently, you qualify.

All you need to do is have at least one thought a day---or every few days---that you believe will make the world a better place.  Write your thoughts down and save them until you have one week’s worth of thoughts.  Pick one and publish it on either Facebook, LinkedIn, or other social media platforms.  Then start all over. 

Keep it up for five or six weeks, and you've earned a lifetime membership in a very special group: people who genuinely want to bring more hope and positivity to the world.

Just think how helpful your efforts could become if only one of your thoughts changed someone else’s life from despair to hope.

            TIP JAR YOURSELF TO FINANCIAL SUCCESS

Recently I read an obituary about a man who had a tip jar at his funeral service, (*) which inspired me to start thinking about the potential value of tipping.  What if each of us carried our own personal tip jar?  We take it everywhere we go like a purse or briefcase.  Dooney & Burke may even create a designer tip jar.

Imagine the possibilities.  We could all be getting daily tips for our good behavior.  For example, if I was especially nice to the checker at the grocery store, she/he could tip me.  People who consistently showed kindness, patience, and consideration might earn a small fortune.

Even so, there could be a downside, particularly if you are inclined like me to be somewhat cantankerous and snarly.  

*Taken from the Obituary of Robert Adolph Boehm.
*Endorsed by the Society of The Preservation of Merriment

                                          I QUIT

I hated playing football during my high school years.  I did it because I wanted to belong.  Then, somewhat irrationally I began playing in college.  A scholarship paid my way, and I had very little money, so I stayed with it for a while. 

For eight long years, I played a game I did not like—until one day, I quit! 

Many years later, I came to see this as a major turning point in my life. Quitting was not a sign of failure; it was a decision for me to take responsibility.

My quitting experience taught me to periodically look over my life activities, and when I can, quit those things that do not serve me well.  It simplifies my life.  

And over the years, I believe I’ve become a fairly effective “quitter".

​

                      GET ME MY DANCING SHOES

I’m preparing to begin ballroom dancing lessons so I’ll be ready for the grand opening of the new White House ballroom. The only complication is that I’ll be dancing with a cane. Until now, I’ve only used it for walking—and for whacking anyone who gets in my way.

Has anyone ever seen a ballroom cane dancer? I suspect the dancing will be far more entertaining than starting a war or organizing an insurrection.

So far, not a single person has volunteered to be my dance partner---at last, something Republicans and Democrats can agree on.